Act 3, episode 19: Thought Blankets

I'm not a lurker.

If I'm new to a group, you'll hear from me.

Whatever is happening, you'll know about it.


I cannot contain all this awesomeness!

I make myself laugh.

Who needs a laugh today?


In today's shower, I was intensely aware

of the layers that have been peeled back

in the last two years.

Marriage, family home, kid-raising era, family dog...


Each layer ended, and fell away,

like petals on cut roses.

Each time, I was left with more of myself to witness.


Perhaps it would have been less of a shock

if I had known myself in advance,

through it all.


C' est la vie. That is life.


My favorite, favorite thought right now is this:

"Nothing has gone wrong."

Mmm. Isn't that comfort? It's like a word blanket.

A thought blanket.


Today was another below-freezing day in Florida.

Iguanas falling, heaters on,

scents of fireplaces in neighborhoods in the dark.


Blankets are comfort.


Sometimes people will offer new, cushy thoughts

when we are cold and shivering from life.

Here's your fleece thought.

Here's your wool thought.


If you just think _______, you'll feel better.


When we are ready, that does work.

I completely believe in the thought work process.

Of course I do.

Look how it has changed my life.


The rush to get a new thought blanket,

and to not feel what we are actually feeling...

to avoid feeling anything too intensely...

that doesn't really help.


I have often said, to myself and to others,

"He said words."


Like if we're separating fact from story,

thoughts from circumstances,

applying the fact: He said words,

feels better.


My coaching teacher, who is amazing,

called this a Nercumstance.

I was neutralizing the circumstance, in order to avoid feeling,

to feel less.

Blew my freaking mind.

(When did feeling become scary?)


It's like, saying, "Oh, it's fine. I'm fine.

Everything is fine."


It's dishonest. It's a lie.


I practiced this dishonesty for years.

Now I know:

no more nercumstances.

What is true? What is real?


I feel like collectively, consciously,

people are moving towards being more authentic and aware.

Of course,

of course,

not everyone.

But more of us.


We live in a world where life coaching is on fire.

People are not wanting to numb out and avoid their lives,

but, no fault of their own, they can't seem to stop.


We also live in a world where we can numb out in a few seconds

with our phones,

with engineered, artificial eating,

with abundant, streaming stories.

(Have you seen the movie, WALL-E?)


Buffer = to avoid feeling bad, with things that feel great.

This is our relationship with dopamine.


Humanly, it's normal to feel 50% good and 50% not so good.

When we buffer, the uncomfy feelings are magnified

after the numb wears off,

which leaves less and less space for feeling good,

which cycles back to wanting to buffer.


Today's Deep Breath: here's a practical juju nugget, a collective Next Best Decision:


There are so many good thoughts running through my mind.

So many good options of how I could "help."

Many of them are actions.

I want to give tips, and hacks,

to make you feel better.


I truly do not have the Super Capability to affect your feelings.

About anything.


If I have learned any truths,

we feel because of our thoughts.


I'm now officially divorced, and I feel: free.

Not because I'm divorced, but because of my thought about it.

Thought: I can be myself.


The only advice, that I can see, is:

don't avoid your feelings.

Or to rephrase positively: feel your feelings.


Feelings are your Personal Guidance System.

They tell you what is important, for you.


Avoiding them, to make peace

or fit in

or not rock that boat

only works for so long.


There are many life coaches who are sought after

to help with weight loss

or to quit drinking

or to help with relationships.


The core of those circumstances, is you.


After my coaching this week, all I want to do

is to listen

and see you, where you are right now.

And not move you to higher ground. Not yet.


For the DIYers:

practice seeing yourself,

with no filters.


Until next time,

Tami Lowe

tamilowe.com