IAmNotBritish, episode ten
Happy Brunch Sunday from Florida! Raise your vitamin C source and let's clink a cheers to a bit of connection between work, notices and ads in our inbox. Written with a London accent in my head. Reading with an accent is completely voluntary.
Are you enjoying our global retreat?
Yesterday I was feeling alone. I'm a writer and a painter and a reader, so I don't get paid and I sit alone, but I like this about me. Being alone is great.
Feeling alone is different. But it is teaching me.
Many people are alone, physically walled off from those they normally see. Many are walled-in with those they choose to share their lives with, and the dose is incrementally too high.
My neighbor family, able to eat a slow breakfast, are out walking their dog together, carrying light sabers for their destination.
There is no distraction.
But you are here.
Breathe with me.
Uncertainty. Transition. Hope.
I'm contemplating hope. I left my faith a while back, but this week I found some of my lost hope. Joy...Love. Don't these all come from the same place? Abstract concepts.
I have craved these like air, my whole life. I was born needing them. As a child, I waited for them to come to me from anyone else. Maybe they didn't always know, but I have put pressure on those around me to deliver this up.
Always begging, but silent.
I know now that what I have sought for can always be mine. I create it, for me and for those I love.
But I miss it still. A mother. Fingers rubbing my hair back, off my forehead. Eyes looking into mine, so I could see myself.
I cover that hole. Close the window. I am my own mother.
What are you seeing that you try not to look at?
Today's Deep Breath: (Here's a juju nugget. May or may not be helpful.)
All the gurus say it: this is an opportunity to go deeper. Or rise above. However you take stock of your life, this is a chance. Write on a blank page or type on an app, or shoot a video of you. Say whatever it is that you push away on the regular. Pay it a long over-due visit.
Until next tme,