IAmNotBritish, episode fifteen
Welcome, friends. Come in, please. Let's pretend we are gathered in real space, real time, together. Happy Brunch Sunday from Florida. Raise your glasses and let's clink a cheers to a bit of connection between work, notices and ads in your inbox.
It is 10:47 AM on Mother's Day, pandemic-style, and I find myself wanting to escape. Which is not my us-ual. How can I spell US? Pronounced as in subterfuge--uge. Yooooge. It's not my yooooge.
Normally, I embrace the world on this day which is set aside to honor our mothers. I'm usually in a state of absolute BRING-IT, expecting the planet and all it's inhabitants to express their gratitude for all I have done in the name of my children. Gifts and flowers are fine. Time spent together is great. But I us-ually have a feeling of utter bliss at the mentally-made-up attention. Other mothers cower, even feel guilty to have a day just for them. Pansies. I've embraced it for these 24 years.
I want to shrink. Disappear. Hop in my car and drive. I am utterly uncomfortable.
Maybe it's because they are adults now and I have very little to offer them in the way of life-altering advice or instruction. I'm less needed. Or just less.
If, as my religion taught me, my true value all these years was in my mothering, and that part of my life is mostly over, what do I do now?
On this day, many of the children and grandchildren honor their matriarchs for the sacrifices they made in order to hold up, sustain, and push the success of all those around them. In 1950s tradition, the Man becomes while She sustains their household and family. The children blossom because of the care She gives. For one day, we all turn around and honor Her. One day.
I did give up my own path. Repeatedly.
I love them. I especially love the love they return to me. It's the only sure thing I have, as I move into this next phase.
So I do give a Cheers! to this day. I'm grateful to have learned so much about myself as seen in the mirrors of their faces.
Today's Deep Breath: (Here's a little juju nugget. May or may not be helpful.)
Let's open this day up. Today, we honor women who decide to get married or intentionally decide not to. We honor She who decides to have children or decides not to, She who physically can use her uterus and all the many who were, are and will be unable to.
Cheers to all the women, who will rise from the side lines to clean up this mess.
Until next time,