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Ep. 35, Just 2 Things

I was reminded this morning of the meaning of my name, "palm tree."

Tamara historically means palm tree, or sometimes "date palm tree."

Dates are delicious.

Maybe there's always been some significance

or pressure for naming one's child.

Here in the U.S., parents do get six weeks to accomplish the task.

Religion, family heritage, and local customs have all played a part.

In the 1980s, the first baby name books were published and

became very popular.

It's been a relatively short time that couples

have used such books to pick their child's name.

Native Tribes of what became America

didn't name their babies.

They had a Naming Ceremony later,

gifting that honored person

with a name

based on their specific nature.

They got to know them, observed their behavior,

similar to how we might nickname a teenager or college buddy.

I might've

been named many things

if that were the case in my life.


I might also, though,

have been aware of the eventual ceremony, and

acted differently, knowing

I was being assessed for a permanent name...

Also this morning,

I listened to a recording, which beautifully stated two things.

First: There's nothing to figure out, and

Second: There's no wrong decisions.

I'm going to try to explain my version of this, if I can do it justice...

if I can articulate the meaning I felt from it.

Because it felt universally true.

Do you understand what I mean by

feeling universally true?

Like there's a warmth and expansion just below the sternum?

Like there's a balloon of warm, radiating air that causes you to

take a deep breath in, or put your hand to your heart?

Through my life, when deeply religious, and

when not so much at all,

I've felt confirmation, guidance, inspiration and "knowing"

from that feeling.

We can all NAME it whatever we prefer.

Any-hoo, the figuring-out part.

What am I taking about?

For me, I often will STRIVE for something to happen

or to come about.

In a kayak, this looks like fastidious paddling. Oaring.

Fastidious: very attentive and concerned about accuracy and detail.

(RIGHT?! That's totally me!)

I'm working, I'm striving. Paddling to get there faster.

But in life, it doesn't work that way.

Sometimes, paddling really hard,

especially if you're going for a goal that's ultimately not good for you,

is like paddling against the current and going NOWHERE...

exerting a lot of energy to get to the very same spot.

Paddling hard to literally



When I am centered in that warm place in my torso,

and feeling that energy of creation and love,

I may not know more than two steps ahead of me.

Like I have a flashlight taped to my ankle.

I can only see my next two steps.

The paddling frenzy of "busy"

is not the same.

There is TRUST in ALLOWING those next two steps

to come to your mind

exactly when you need them.

TRUSTING that they will come.

You will know what you need to do next,

when you need to know what to do next.

So "figuring it out" is more like a grindstone vibe to me.

Second: there are no wrong decisions.

This, to me,

refers to worry --

"Is this a mistake?"

This comes from a fearful belief system.

And, as Buffy Werle from coaches,

it usually comes from trying to see too many steps in advance.

Today's Deep Breath: a practical juju nugget, a collective Next Best Decision.

Which is what I've been subtle-y saying, or writing,

these last two and a half years.

What is our Next Best Decision?

We make a decision, and CONSEQUENTLY are presented with more choices.

And then more. And more.

And so it goes.

Maybe you think,

(I used to think,)

I'm not doing the deciding.

That you are somewhat powerless, in that way,

letting someone decide for you.

And, you know, I thought that was true.

In caring for others, I did step back and let them decide.

Tiny choices, tiny decisions to acquiesce.

But I was deciding, all along.

Decisions to let others decide,

is still a decision.

Now I'm talking in circles.

My point is, if there are no wrong decisions,

but there ARE things to learn with EVERY decision,

then are any of them wrong?

Are any of them right?

We learn from each and every one.

You might say, what about obedience?

There are laws, like governmental and religious -

even universal.

What about being kind? Or not murdering?

I think I have decided that the most important law for me

is to not judge others for their decisions.

I would willingly serve on a jury for my community.

But I would hope that it would be with

compassion and understanding

and commitment to the greater good

and not from a place of judgement,

from a pre-conceived idea or line of wrong and right, passed down

from so long ago.

What do you think?

Whew, that is all.

My brain is out of words.

Until next time,



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