I recently coached someone and they were feeling
ALL
THE
THINGS...
and then our time was up.
They expressed openly
what was happening, and
how they felt about it.
I listened.
I asked questions.
And our time was up.
Here's the truth:
while it is possible
to wrap up a coaching session
with a pretty pink bow,
and for the client
to feel gobs better during a coaching session, i.e.,
relief, clarity, calm or motivation,
most of the time, they feel better
as they willingly feel and
as they're doing the work,
in their writing
or meditation
or communicating clearly with their people about what they want.
This week,
I felt a big wave of disappointment,
with an added dash of resistance to "feeling bad."
I don't want to feel bad.
Nobody really wants to feel bad, do they?
After pacing and shaking my hands
to get some of the energy of
"disappointment and resistance"
out of my body,
I finally sat, "resigned to my fate" in acceptance (so dramatic)
and
took some deep breaths.
I said out loud: "Whew, I'm feeling disappointment."
And then it passed.
Then yesterday, I was feeling ALL THE THINGS,
and I tried
all my self-coaching tools from my toolbox and still it lingered.
Many boiling feelings.
I knew I had to ask for help.
So, I asked a coach and friend who is trained as I am.
She took my call and
poked around--
until I found the core belief (taught by culture)
that I was using
to make myself WRONG.
Once I knew what the problem was, and
could see
so clearly
how my thoughts were creating this problem,
""POOF.""
I felt relief and content, and empowered
to move forward with solutions.
TODAY'S DEEP BREATH: here's a practical juju nugget, a collective
Next Best Decision.
But to answer my own fantastic question:
True, nobody loves to feel bad "these days."
Aallll the marketing
is telling me how anxious and stressed I am.
((Thanx!))
Heck,
the title of this email sequence you're reading is:
The Art of Feeling Better.
Is that a problem?
No, but...
here's an absolute truth:
no great coach will promise roses and daisies and unicorns
after 45 minutes.
A good coach will let you feel your feelings,
safely, of course, and
will HONOR them.
A good coach knows that all feelings,
p l e a s u r a b l e and p a i n f u l,
are what make us HUMAN--
and nobody advertises that away.
"I'll help you feel your feelings."
Nobody clicks for that.
Do we really want to continue to numb out
and strive to feel nothing,
in the the instant we start to feel bad?
When we close that door, we feel nothing GOOD either.
Feeling nothing is DEFINITELY not the purpose of your life,
or mine.
Oye.
There's no fixing.
We just feel it, and cry.
It takes 90 seconds to burn off a feeling
when we don't resist them.
When it clears,
we feel a little empty,
like there was an open space where all those feelings had been.
An emotional hangover.
We then decide to fill the space
with things that feel good -
fun, enjoyable things.
Feel it all, and then choose better.
