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Ep. 36, Stuckness

I tend to do things in bursts.

My first book smooshed several pivotal life changes

into one furry, heart-shaped ball.

I plodded along for 21 years, then BOOM.

The last few years, same.

I plodded for 27 years,

then BOOM.

What's she mean by plodding?

If you've ever plodded, you know.

If you know, you know.


You know I love a good definition.

PLOD: to walk doggedly and slowly with heavy steps.

To be fair, I wasn't always plodding.

I was happy, a lot of the time.

If you've read my book,

you might recall that I was perfectly happy

for much of my time in jail.

And I didn't plod for others. I was very busy pleasing.

You can't be plodding when you're pleasing.

A "good" pleaser will smile as they please.

Raise your hand if you were taught to smile as you please others.

If you've lost the definition in the swirl of the words,

plod: to walk heavy and slow. Like it's a slog.

I was plodding for me.

I only bring this up because

my clients sometimes find themselves plodding or slogging

for themselves.

I don't plod or slog anymore. I am done with that.

(What is she talking about?)

For me, plodding feels very heavy. It's the hard way to get to a destination.

Which means there is an easier way.

And I've found it.

I am able to articulate it.

I shall attempt to do that now.

All human brains generate emotion,

sometimes in intense, emergency-style bursts.

Unfortunately, we're not taught how to maneuver through

regular emotions, to name them or to process them.

We don't like to talk about emotions.

I have always loved reading and listening to

someone else's emotional stories.

But if you'd ask me how I was doing, I'd have always said, "Fine."

Nothing to see here.

We tell ourselves we are fine,

and we buffer our feelings, or cover them up,

with extra food, tasting flavors and filling bellies without physical hunger.

Or we drink alcohol until we can sleep.

Or we watch TV or tablets or phones instead of sleeping.

Whatever the preferred method,

we squash feelings and hurt ourselves in the process.

Did you get that part?

We hurt ourselves in the process of not acknowledging our feelings.

We are actively doing harm to our bodies in order to quiet our minds.


Today's Deep Breath: here's a practical juju nugget, a collective

Next Best Decision.

As I wrote above,

plodding is the hard way to get to any destination.

It'll get you there, but it's just so uncomfortable.

Each action feels Herculean. One step forward, blah blah-blah.

Here's the model for Emotional Exhaustion:

Circumstance: I'd like to do or accomplish ________.

Thoughts: I have no power or control over my life. I'm stuck.

Feeling: despair, apathy, hopeless, pessimism

Actions: plod, slog, or use energy to please others, no actions for

my own self-improvement.

Results: I cannot see or use my own voice or power.

Wow. How does that feel, to read that? Ew.

That's heavy. That's a slog model.

On the opposite side of the emotional wheel would be EAGER, which I have talked about. But getting from stuck to eager is too far of a leap.


Write one thing you are so grateful to have

in your life.

Then write 5 reasons why you're grateful for it.

Life is about contrast and balance.

Staying in the stuckness serves no one.

And it feels terrible.

This is the quickest way to pull yourself to a more neutral surface.

You won't want to. You'll think, "It won't work."


Do you want to super-power it?

Do the Because 5 before sleep and again when you wake up.

It'll change your life, I'm telling ya.

This, and more, is what we do in my morning class, #riseandgrind.

Now go forth and conquer.

Until Next time,



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