One year ago, I retreat-ed to Costa Rica.
I had never
traveled outside my country
without a spouse.
Let's shorten "without spouse" to WS.
I was navigating how to
have accounts WS,
get a mortgage WS,
and do all those things
without employment WS.
Not to mention:
have friends WS,
buy and cook food WS.
If there's one thing you can absolutely count on in life, it is CHANGE.
What is beautiful
about my Costa Rica story is:
I was living BIG.
Today is a great day to revisit my DECISION
to go on that trip.
This week, I became aware of 3 social events --
I was interested,
they sounded fun,
I'd meet new people who potentially could become friends
or something more...
and
when I see
they're happening in the evening...
I was completely blocked.
"I'm out."
Apparently, 'time of day' is the thing
my mind has set as the limit now?
A year ago,
I lived for a week in open-air jungle with monkeys and allergies,
walked across hanging bridges,
hugged a tree covered in moss and crawlies for
A WHOLE MINUTE,
sat in the dark in an outdoor unscreened yoga studio
next to a river
surrounded by critters...
But now, I'm like Hannah Gadsby:
"...where are the quiet gays supposed to go?"
What if I like 8 hours of sleep and wake up at 6:30?
Can we have a library MeetUp?
Monthly bookstore hopping?
A picnic on a (clean) bench in a park by a fountain of water?
Also, like Hannah:
(who I instantly wanted to marry,
but noticed on her insta that I'm too late...)
"There is nothing stronger than a woman who has rebuilt herself."
Mmm.
There is nothing stronger than
a woman who has rebuilt herself.
I am a woman who has rebuilt herself.
I am rebuilt...
but I'm not done.
Live until you're no longer living.
Middle age is 75.
All of this just shows me what I want.
All that is left is to decide.
Once the decision is made:
I'll find the time,
I'll find the money.
I'll sleep in a jungle.
TODAY'S DEEP BREATH: here's a practical juju nugget, a collective Next Best Decision.
Decisions change everything.
I was raised by a
Despondent and
Ambivalent
birth mom.
Despondent: low spirits, loss of hope or courage.
Ambivalent: unsure and indecisive.
This is not living.
I want to live until I'm not living.
My teacher this week, in our class, said:
"your purpose is not to sit and watch television."
I heard that.
What can I say that is helpful to me right now?
(And perhaps helpful to you?)
I firmly believe that we become what we think about.
Low self-esteem is created, so therefore, confidence is created.
I can decide without fear of making a mistake.
I've made a lot of decisions--
not knowing the outcomes beforehand.
I would totally LOVE drag bingo if it was a matinee!
I would love karaoke in the afternoon.
Occasionally.
Perhaps I'll start hanging out in places I'd like to meet like-minded people.
Perhaps I'll start my own MeetUp.
And...maybe... I can go to a 7:00 start, and leave by 8?
There is nothing stronger than a woman who has rebuilt herself.
Do you love how despondent feels?
Are you comfortable being ambivalent?
Have you recently found yourself "stripped" of your familiar circumstances?
Here's a nugget I learned from my coach training:
"The QUALITY of our LIFE is determined by the
quality of the QUESTIONS we ask ourselves."
What do you want?
What are you ready for?